Het verschil tussen moed en lef hebben?
Moed = midden in de nacht bezopen thuiskomen, je vrouw staat op je te wachten met een bezem en dan vragen: “Ben je nog aan het schoonmaken of vlieg je ergens naar toe?”
Lef = midden in de nacht bezopen thuiskomen met een parfumluchtje om je heen en lipstick op je kleding, je vrouw op haar kont slaan en zeggen: “jij bent de volgende”.
king of the road
Opeens heb je het: je wordt chauffeur van een mooie vrachtwagencombinatie. Sterker nog, je gaat namens de Chauffeurs Vereniging Friesland overal vertellen wat er zo opwindend is aan de vlam in de pijp. Verhalen over de romantiek van de kilometer vreter die de strepen onder zich door ziet glijden. En op basisscholen wijs je leerlingen op de gevaren van die vermaledijde dode hoek. Volwassenen kunnen een stoomcursus omgaan met vrachtwagens bij je volgen. Waar wordt gewaarschuwd voor keren op de weg, gestresste chauffeurs en veels te lage kudtviaducten
bron: geenstijl.nl
22 Economic Models explained with Cows
SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor. You and your
neighbor live happily off the milk produced.
COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks
the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, you use that to try taking over the world
enslaving the masses who don't have any cows.
SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to
analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to
your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are
transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly
owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven
cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company
owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a
new president of the [Railbird smilie] lace>United States [Railbird
smilie] lace>, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided
with the release. The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a
riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and
market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You
charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad.
A RAILBIRD CORPORATION You have two cows, sell them to Topcat and buy
into the WSOP main event and win, retiring on your new wealth.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell
them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out
of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least
now you are part of Democracy....
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty
good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks
very attractive.
Democrat: You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. Barbra Streisand sings for you.
Republican: You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are
two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's
private parts. Then you kill them and claim a U.S. bomb blew them up
while they were in hospital.
POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed
and killed trying to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone
votes for the best-looking one. Some of the people who like the brown
one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people
vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best
looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION: You have a cow and a bull. The bull is
depressed. It has spent its life living a lie. It goes away for two
weeks. It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. You
now have two cows. One makes milk; the other doesn't. You try to sell
the transgender cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose
in court. You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now
have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your
business to beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech
in your driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help
"working cows." Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of
your farm "for the children." Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm
to Mexico. The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you
groped their teats. You declare bankruptcy and shut down all
operations. The cow starves to death. The L.A. Times analysis shows
your failure is all Bush's fault.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them both and
denies they ever existed and drafts you into the army. Milk is banned.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do
anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.
LIBERTARIANISM: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your
business.
UTOPIA: If you have 2 cows, Mother Nature zaps the cows, turning their
udders into eternal milkshake dispensers.
SADISM: You have two cows and a whip.
SIMPSONISM: Don't have a cow, man!
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of
"ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering,
intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society)
bovines of non-specified gender.
DISCORDIANISM: You have two cows. Fnord. You have no cows. There never
were any cows. The Bavarian Illuminati is behind it all.